The inspector
by Charmingly-Evil
Summary: what happens when an inspector comes to malfoy manor, to see if voldemort is treating his workers ok? so is snape getting his dental insurence and is voldemort violating health and safty? the poor inspecter, if only he knew what chaos will happen. r'r
1. Chapter 1

_Ok so I'm sitting in my bed here at 10 pm. Theres no work tomorrow and I am incredibly bored. So I thought that I'd write this. Just for fun. If people like it I'll do an update._

_Ok so basically there is a mysterious guest trying to visit Malfoy manor, if only he knew what chaos happens there. Please leave a review!_

_Chapter 1 The Guest_

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Mr. Banks gripped his leather suitcase tightly and straightened his tie before looking up at his destination; Malfoy Manor. He took in the gloomy background, steel ironed gates and the bricked building towering over him before taking a deep breath; he spoke into the intercom.

" Hello? Excuse me?"

There was the sound of loud foot steps and blasting music, followed by the shouts of voices and the sound of someone trying to shush everyone. Mr. Banks frowned, it sounded as if a teenage party was going on in there. Finally someone arrived at the intercom, the voice spoke in a high, menacing, pitched tone.

" Hello? Who is this!"

" Good evening sir, is there a Mr. Sexythangtin this building?"

" A what?"

Mr. Banks could tell that the man was outraged. Trying to keep his voice calm he replied in a clear voice-

" I was told to speak to a Mr. Sexy..."

But he was interrupted by the man's voice.

" BELLATRIX! GET HERE AT ONCE! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT GIVING OUT MY ADDRESS AND GIVING ME FALSE RIDICULOUS NAMES?"

Mr. Banks frowned as he heard someone giggling like a girl.

" But my Lord it wasn't me! I swear!"

Then another voice followed them, it sounded sluggish.

" Hey dude is the pizza here yet? I'm starving!"

" Oh shut up Lucius, all you think about is your stomach!"

Mr. Banks could not believe that he was standing here listening to these wacky people through this intercom, he had business to attend to and he was a very busy man.

" My Lord, my lord!"

" Wormtail what is it?" bellowed the high voice, that Mr. Banks assumed was Mr. Sexythang.

" I broke your playstation! I'm so sorry.."

" What! Wormtail you fool! I was so close to defeating the evil doctor cortex in crash bandicoot! And I swear if my sims game is erased..Crucio!"

Mr. Banks heard a scream of pain. Thats it, he couldn't take this.

" Look here sir! I am a very busy man, I have come to talk.."

But was again cut off by a loud ding and the girly voice.

" Ohhhhh the cookies are ready! I'll get them!"

Mr. Banks gave a frustrated growl before hearing a new voice, in a more quiet monotone voice.

" My Lord? I think that we should be addressing something else that is much more important then the playstation right now."

" Yes, yes you are right Snape, the more important thing. LUCIUS ORDERED PIZZA AND DID NOT GET MEAT LOVERS! LUCIUS WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GETTING THAT VEGETARIAN CRAP!"

" I meant that a guest is here to speak with you," said the slightly annoyed voice.

" What? Guest?"

Mr. Banks coughed loudly trying to get there attention, he yelled.

" HELLO! THIS IS MR. BANKS! I'VE COME HERE TODAY TO.."

" No need to yell! I'm coming, I'm coming!"

He heard him click the intercom off and the hurry of footsteps. Mr. Banks shut his eyes and sighed. He felt exhausted, and he hadn't even entered the house yet. He saw a small figure walking toward the gate, coming in to greet him. Somehow he knew that he would regret coming here tonight.

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**So what did you think? Ohhh looks like Mr. Banks is in for the time of his life. I am looking out for a beta as my one is busy, so the grammer I know was bad. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! I may do an update.**

**Review and mr. Sexythang shall arrive at your door. :P**


	2. lets get this party started!

**Ok, ok first of all I'm so sorry for the late update! And apologies if this isn't as good as the last chapter, but really I didn't know what to write much. But I did my best! So here we have it!**

Disclaimer: I do not own harry potter. The wonderfully awesome j.k rowling has. Speaking of which everyone should read when j.k rowling discovered fanfiction. Awesome fic! Ahem

**Chapter 2: Lets get this party started!**

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Mr. Banks squinted through the darkness, seeing a tall figure walking towards him; who could this man possibly be? Once the mysterious man had appeared at the gate Mr. Banks jaw dropped, he felt as if he was going to faint. It was the ugliest thing he had ever seen. The man was bald, he looked like a nose job gone wrong, heck he looked like an everything gone wrong!

" Well what are you doing here?" the man asked in the same high pitched tone.

Mr. Banks recovered himself.

" I have been called here to investigate certain matters. Can I come in?"

Mr. Sexythang opened his mouth to reply but sound of breaking glass followed by a loud crash stopped him. Mr. Sexythang quickly took off to the tower where something had fallen out the window.

" God dammit, who threw my pet goldfish out the window? What are you guys doing up there! Lucius I swear if you've found my holaween candy!"

Mr. Sexythang raced to the house. Mr. Banks frowned and followed the man into the house. What happened next was shocking. There were balloons everywhere, empty pizza boxes trashed around the place, loud thumping lady gaga music and was that twister in the corner? Immediately a blond hair man ran over and began crumping righy in his face.

" Hey dude welcome to the party! WOOOO!"

A dark frizzy hair woman skipped pass, applying mash potatoes and gravy onto her hair screeching " This will get rid of the frizz!"

A greasy haired man was sitting in front of a computer filled with unicorns and horses. My little pony? Mr. Banks thought. He slowly began to fill angry, no not angry, furious. Mr. Sexythang burst through the door, swinging his t-shirt over his head and showing his scaly bare chest.

" Alright lets get this partay started!" he shouted.

Mr. Banks stormed over to him.

" Look Mr. Sexythang I am from the."

But was cut off by the blond hair man.

" My lord! Lets see how many marshmallows we can fit in Yaxly's mouth!"

Everyone cheered and rushed over to watch, but Voldemort turned to Mr. Banks.

" Actually my name is Lord Voldemort, the most fearsome wizard.."

But was cut off by Mr. Banks.

" Look sir I am from the union and have been called to investigate this place! Now if you lot don't turn of this racket and settle down then I can-can shut you all down!"

There was the squelch of music stopping, followed by silence. After a minute Voldemort spoke.

" So...how did we do in this inspection?"

Mr. Banks sighed; he pulled out a booklet from his briefcase and put on his reading glasses, he flipped through the book.

" I am here to investigate this workforce. I have been told that there have been some serious abuse and neglect to your workers."

Voldemort snorted.

" Thats preposterous! First of all these are not my workers they are my followers, deatheaters."

" They work for you, therefore they are your workers. Now who feels that they have been abused?"

There was silence before wormtail raised his hand.

" I have, Bellatrix often enjoys torturing me."

Mr. Banks eyes widened but bellatrix came at wormtail like a tiger.

" I do not Wormtail! Crucio!"

Wormtail fell to the ground screaming. Mr. Banks quickly rushed over.

" What is this? W-w-what?" he went pale.

" Bellatrix!" Voldemort bellowed. " What have I told you?'

Bellatrix sighed. " No torturing wormtail on birthdays, easter or Hanukah. But my lord!"

" No buts! Buts are from bootying! All the single ladies, all the singles ladies!" He broke out into song, wiggling his hips.

Mr. Banks sighed and got up, not believing how this night was turning out.

" Look sir I don't know what your pulling here, having a workplace! How much do these people get paid?"

Voldemort frowned, his face blank.

"Paid?"

" We do not need payment!" Bellatrix broke out. " We serve him because we are faithful and loyal! Plus he looks so sexy in those jeans. "

Lucius, the blond man raised his hand.

" Ah... I'd like to be paid."

Mr. Banks was shocked.

" Your not even paid?"

Snape got off the computer and walked over.

" Look if I was paid, I could afford some decent shampoo and not the cheap ones from seven eleven."

Voldemort frowned. " They sell shampoo?"

" Look!" Mr. Banks tried to bring everyone back to the subject. " What about dental care? Insurance? Medical care? Pension? Sick leaves?"

He was greeted by blank faces.

" What the hells dental care?" Bellatrix whispered to Lucius, mash-potato falling from her hair and onto her rotting teeth.

Mr. Banks shook his head.

" What the hell! Mr. Voldemort, I am shutting you down. You have broken every workforce law there is!"

Voldemort grew red in fury.

" GET THE HELL OUT!"

And with his wand he magicked him out malfoy manor. There was a long silence before bellatrix spoke.

" What a weirdo."

" Will be be back?" Lucius asked.

" Well he better be back. He left his car keys here." Voldemort held up the jingling keys.

Another silence followed before Lucius spoke.

" My lord I fixed the play station! Who wants round two of halo?"

Everyone cheered and rushed over to the tv screen. And as for Mr. Banks, he learnt never to venture near that house again.

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Thanks for reading! Reviews would be loved, and Mr. Sexythang shall throw a party at your house!

Fin


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